Passionate Voice actor excited to narrate your stories and bring them to life.
Age 30, Male
Joined on 3/13/15
- Level:
- 4
- Exp Points:
- 165 / 180
- Exp Rank:
- > 100,000
- Vote Power:
- 3.99 votes
- Rank:
- Civilian
- Global Rank:
- > 100,000
- Blams:
- 0
- Saves:
- 1
- B/P Bonus:
- 0%
- Whistle:
- Normal
- Medals:
- 2
NipponDevil
Read the rest of it.
The thing about Navi in my last post is rendered null, and everything does seem to match the OoT I remember. The later half does feel rushed/unfinished. I did like Ganon's interactions with the king and his guards, but then BOOM, suddenly 7 years later and the triforces are being handed out. I guess I would have liked to see this "destiny" everyone is trying to play a part in. Also, why does link have to die? Was the idea that he was going to be reincarnated as his son? While you don't need to answer all the questions, remember that it's the main reason why people are going to read your story.
There are some very basic grammatical mistakes, like how "in his raged he lifted his hand towards the heckler and gripped." is missing "the guards neck." You also forgot to capitalize the first letter in some sentences. While you'll need a careful eye to fix capitalization and misspelled words, reading your work out loud will help you catch poor sentence structure and other grammatical errors.
Final verdict: It's got really good bones. Tidy up the writing, fill in more of the blanks, and you'll be the talk of the fandom.
loki2202
I have a few changes and additions planned that fixes alot of the flaws. This story is set 1000 years before the game and I swear the updated story will amaze you.